Being Kind vs Being Nice - A Mediums Musing

Let People Eat at Your Table

Being Kind vs Being Nice - A Mediums Musing

*Trigger Warning - Mentions Physical Punishments*.

I was once told by a guy I very briefly dated that 'I'm too nice'. At the time, I couldn't fathom how anyone could be 'too nice' because isn't 'being nice' how we're by and large, raised to be?

19 years later, knowing what I know now, I completely understand what he meant by that.

Let me explain...

I believe that we're conditioned from a very young age that our boundaries are negotiable; 'what do you MEAN Nicola, you don't want to hug Auntie Pat, you were ok last week. Stop being difficult and be NICE, hug your Auntie Pat NOW'.

This is one of many scenarios from my childhood where it was instilled that my boundaries were negotiable and meant I was 'difficult'. That my word 'no' had little to no value and could be traded for the more comfortable and less confrontational 'be nice' regardless of how strongly I objected to what I was being forced to do; in this case hug someone.

The comfort that wasn't mine but that of my Mothers; she was the one that was embarrassed, not me.

Now, my reluctance would possibly be underlined by a stiff talking to once the person in question had left our home or worse still a smack across the legs in front of said person due to the embarrassment my militant stand caused my Mum, which of course, in turn, ignited a slow burning flame of rage within me with every cross word, criticism or comparison acting as an internal incendiary which, at 54, there are still occasions where I get burnt by this pain that demands my immediate attention...what can I say, childhood trauma, it's the gift that keeps on giving!

As children, we can innocently be trained by our care givers to be nice at the expense of our boundaries and then, as adults we experience situations that, due to our lax boundaries, co-create circumstances that others would balk at. Situations, that when we're fed up with them, providing we have emotional intelligence and self awareness, we chase the source of our experiences back to ourselves.

Now this isn't to say that we are responsible for the actions of others, especially our care givers, definitely not and we absolutely are innocent of a predators behaviour, however, we are responsible for educating ourselves, healing and parenting ourselves, including taking action when action is required, in whatever guise is necessary for us to come back to us and our authenticity. We must do the work to heal ourselves or we face a lifetime of the same old vibrations of people, circumstance, trauma responses and situations.

Whilst this isn't easy, its absolutely necessary. I've also noticed that my connection and work with Spirit has deepened and is more profound, not only with the evidence but also with the emotional connections. The greater my connection with myself, with my own soul, the greater my connection with Spirit and the souls of the disincarnate that seek to work with and through me for their and their loved ones healing.

Being kind is very different to being nice. Being kind is allowing a person to join you for lunch, to share your food and conversation with them. Being nice is allowing them to remain there after they have, in some way, disrespected you.

Strong boundaries keep your love, soul and energy in and all the unwanted out.

How to tell the difference? Be slow, quiet, still and observe; the mask slips and true intentions show when they think people aren't looking.

Just because you lost me as a friend, doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger then that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table. - Tupac Shakur