Let Them Be Authentic - Reflections from a Medium (trigger warning - mentions abuse)

Take Heed & Take Action

Let Them Be Authentic - Reflections from

a Medium (trigger warning - mentions abuse)

When we create relationships with people, at the beginning, we tend to pop on our best faces, approach, attitude and manners. As familiarity begins to creep in, our true authentic self emerges.

Now, for those of us that have zero nefarious intentions, this is simply a case of uncertainty coupled with the desire to present the best parts of us to the other person and it's only down the line when we start to feel trusting that we let the less attractive sides of us be shown; this can be anything that we are self conscious about and will range from ingrained bad habits to unmitigated and untimely flatulence.

As for the others, those that have ulterior motives, there will be signs, such as complaining and placing all the blame on others, being overly affectionate/serious/intense too quickly, critical then passing it off as a joke, disrespecting personal boundaries and any other situation you may initially think 'that's really bizarre behaviour' but when you look back, you see a sea of red flags.

Now here's the clincher, in my personal experience, those of us that have experienced trauma in childhood have a higher 'flash point' for what we accept. I speak for myself here. The levels of unhealthy behaviour I accepted from partners was far greater than my friends that had never experienced any childhood trauma at all.

Why? Because it was energetically and environmentally my normal and not theirs, therefore they were able to see what I couldn't. I believe we can energetically attract those that have the same energy as our parents to recreate the same environment.

Within this, we have the choice to remain within that energy or change in order to heal and move forward.

How did I unsubscribe from the abuse cycle you may ask? Good question, thank you for asking.

As a child, the behaviour of my parents and the way I was raised was completely beyond my control, as painful as it was at the time. Some may say I chose my family dynamics in order to learn and grow so I can achieve and experience what I am here to during this lifetime (that's for another blog). Through learning about my parents own childhoods, I now understand why my parents were the way they were so I have been able to forgive through compassion of their own childhoods WITHOUT excusing their behaviour & treatment.

Basically, I've accepted that they were doing the best they could with what they had. As humans, we can only pass on what we have learnt ourselves - when we know better, we do better. Some people stay in the same place doing the same thing all their lives and can pass this onto their children, should the children make the same decisions which can then take them down the same road.

All it takes one brave soul to say STOP, no more, and the familiar cycle begins to break down

Self Love & Healing

It took me a long time, a lot of tears, emotional pain & inner child healing work to achieve this state and understand this is subjective to the individual situation, experience and person. I undertook a journey of grieving for the parents I needed and wanted rather than the ones I had. Thing is, I also transferred this onto ex partners, falling in love with their words & potential rather than their actions at that time; and at times, I tried to change them into the version of them I held within my head - the romanticised version that bore absolutely no baring upon reality but was the version I NEEDED to be for myself.

Some was done with facilitators but much of it was done for myself through practising healthy emotional self love, visualisation meditations and mindfulness. Taking one step at a gentle time...

As an adult, I now understand it is COMPLETELY my responsibility to parent myself and nurture my inner child in all the ways my parents were incapable of doing, either through time and having to earn a living, constraints due to their own upbringing, criticism or simply not seeing the value in either the activity or spending time with me.

I do that by consciously talking to my inner child kindly, doing things that she loves and always wanted to do, grabbing an ice-cream, sitting in the garden watching the clouds, watching an animated film, colouring in, painting, drawing, writing/journaling; the only echo of the loneliness I experienced during my childhood is that my love language is quality time and words of affirmation; all the things that I craved as a child - perhaps that was always my love language!!

Love Your Inner Child

I know when my inner child has been ignored because she 'acts up' expressing as sadness for no reason, lethargy and becoming easier to anger. When I do something that nurtures myself everyday, no matter how small, be that something from the list above, spending time with my Spirit team, having a hot bath or drinking a home made hot cacao drink.

Whilst all my external relationship now also add to my life rather than detract from it, the relationship I have with myself is by far the most important one.

In doing so, I healed the parts of me that were crying out for love and attention. By continuously doing that, I no longer attract people that behaved in a disrespectful way towards me; and now I have viewed my life from an external perspective and have been honest with myself regarding the signs I ignored (all hail 20/20 hindsight vision) accepting responsibility for the part I played within the dynamics.

In short, I have removed myself from the sale table and no longer mark myself down because I have, through this ongoing process, and of course working with the sublime power of Spirit, have come to know and understand my own power and true worth. This is in consistent evolution. PS I also feel like I know nothing and am flying by the seat of my pants, pretty much all the time!

Much love - Nicola xxx

So now, when I meet someone, I observe and keep all my attention on who they are within that moment and when they show me who they are through their own actions, I not only believe them but, most importantly, I LET them; as I value authenticity, both my own and others, I now tailor my actions accordingly.

If you have got this far, thank you for reading - I hope my words and life experiences resonate and lift you in some way. If you're going through a rough time, I hope my words somehow give you hope.